Lost Love
by Graciously Grieving
Summary: When he was young Sirius lost his one true love, now as he lives in Azkaban that's all he can think about. [One Shot]


AN: Now I know I posted this as a story that I was going to expand, but the more I try the more blocks I run into, so I apologize to all of those who were waiting for a second chapter, I really can't think of one, so please forgive me, but I am going to make this a one shot, I really am sorry I just can't think

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, and I do not own the rights to Harry Potter.

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It was a bright, beautiful day, one that should be spent outside playing; unfortunately that wasn't the case for two young boys. Sirius and James sat in detention for being caught with their new plans for mischief. James sat at the front of the classroom writing his lines, while Sirius had to sit in the back writing his.

Sirius was constantly yawning in the back and finally just gave up finishing his lines period, after all they'd been there for 3 hours. The teacher had fallen asleep 10 minutes ago. Sirius thought of asking James to leave but found he was drifting into sleep faster.

_His hands ran through soft brown hair, pulling it away from a young boy's face. He ran his hands down to the boy's shoulders and began massaging softly. He heard soft moans escape the boy, ones that the boy had hoped no one would hear. He ran his hands down the boy's arms and clamped his hands around the younger one's._

_Remus looked up into the dark eyes of one of his best friends. Sirius smiled down at him longingly. Remus looked over at the book he'd been holding minutes ago. He knew he had a test in an hour, but now it didn't seem to matter. He turned around and faced Sirius. "Sirius, I don't think this is wise." He said softly. He wanted to more than anything in the world, but he wasn't sure how it would all turn out._

_"Don't think what is wise?" Sirius asked grudgingly._

_"Sirius." The brunette boy said quietly._

_"Remus, you and I have known each other for ages. I care for you." Sirius reached out and brushed back a strand of hair from the boy's face. "And I know that you care for me." Remus' eyes were soft and caring as he looked at his friend. "Come here. I'll make it better." Remus reluctantly moved closer. Sirius wrapped his hand around the back of Remus' head and in his hair. He pulled the boy closer. Remus landed against Siirus' chest and gave a small shudder. Sirius pressed his lips to the other boy's softly at first, then when Remus became comfortable he deepened the kiss. Soon enough Remus was lying on the ground with Sirius on top of him and his hands wrapped around Sirius' back. Sirius' hands were rapidly moving up Remus' torso. Sirius broke the kiss and stared down at his friend and licked his lips._

_"Sirius."_

"SIRIUS!" Sirius woke up with a start when he felt someone shaking him roughly. His breathing was ragged, but he quickly got it back to normal. He looked up to find James watching his curiously. "We can go." James said still staring at his best friend with extreme caution. Sirius nodded rapidly, stood and walked out of the room. James followed closely behind. "Sirius?" James heard a soft 'hmm.' so he continued. "Might I ask what you were dreaming about?" Sirius stopped and looked at the other boy. "You were moaning, I mean I understand about having erotic dreams, after all we are teenagers and that's what we're suppose to do, but I was just wondering if that was what it was."

"Your mind has to jump straight to sexual things, doesn't it?" James shrugged. Sirius rolled his eyes and was about to turn back around when he ran right into something solid. Sirius fell backward, as did the thing he ran into. He opened his eyes to find the young brunette staring at him with a look that said 'You really need to watch where you are going', Sirius' heart skipped and for a moment he couldn't move. Then he noticed James was eyeing him and he got up quickly and walked over to Remus. "Sorry, didn't see you." Sirius held out his hand to help Remus up. Remus grabbed it.

"That was obvious." Remus brushed off some of the dirt from his robes then picked up his book again. "How was detention?" The other two boys just shrugged. Remus shook his head and they walked off towards the common room talking about random things.

Sirius noticed James was still watching him with a curious expression on his face. Sirius began to wonder if James knew his feelings for Remus the way he was looking at him. Sirius' attention turned back to Remus as the boy began talking about how he wasn't feeling well lately, and how the full moon was coming. They reached the fat lady and spoke the password and the door opened to reveal a very cramped common room. It seemed as everyone had come in at once. They looked around and saw that Peter was sitting on the couch. The rest of the couch was open knowing that Peter's friends would be coming soon and there was an armchair still opened for the fourth. Sirius went for the armchair not wanting to get too close to Remus when James was still watching him, but James made it to the armchair first and looked up at Sirius with a triumphant look on his face. Remus sat next to Peter and looked over at Sirius and James who were exchanging looks of confusion and daring.

"Sirius? Are you going to sit down?" Sirius lost his breath for a moment and a pale pink tint showed in his cheeks. A small grin crossed James' face, and then Sirius turned and took a seat extremely close to Remus. He had to drape his arm over the back of the couch to be comfortable and Remus' body was still touching him from the close vicinity. James watched closely, Remus didn't seem to notice anything and Peter was busy watching James. Sirius started shifting, trying to not touch Remus. As much as Sirius cared for Remus he wasn't sure if he was able to control himself if Remus touched him or was near him for too long. He really didn't want to test it in front of James. Sirius shot a look over at the raven-haired boy who was still watching the scene intently.

James pulled out his wand and gave it a quick flick and the book Remus had been reading landed on Sirius' side. Remus looked at James and rolled his eyes. He reached over Sirius. Sirius watched Remus carefully, his breathing was heavy and slow, he felt Remus 'elbow touch his knee, Sirius shuddered and closed his eyes until Remus had retrieved his book and returned it to his lap. The smile of James' face grew. He gave his wand another flick and Peter pushed Remus right into Sirius. Sirius jumped and his breathing increased rapidly. Remus shot a look of disgust over at Peter. Peter shook his head saying he hadn't done it. Remus looked back over at James who was giving him a not so innocent smile. Remus sat back up and leaned against the couch.

Everyone in the common room was slowly emptying up to his or her dorm rooms. Soon it was only the four of them. Peter moved over to the other armchair next to the fire. Remus moved down to the other end of the couch, Sirius did his best to put distance between them, he turned to the side and put his legs up on the couch. Remus returned to his book and James continued to watch the scene on the couch curiously.

"Sirius, you remember how we were talking about how you weren't sleeping too well last night?" Sirius turned his head to face James. "I was just thinking about it, and have you ever thought that it might be because you are dreaming of a...crush." Sirius glared at his best friend, who played innocent and as if he was just suggesting the idea.

"That's actually probably what it is." Sirius' attention returned to Remus. "I mean at our age not to have dreams about other people, would be...abnormal." The word abnormal actually caused a laugh in all of them, they were already abnormal, with Remus being a werewolf and the rest of them animagus's. "I'm being serious though."

"That's what I was saying." James turned his attention back to his best friend. "So, Sirius, anyone in particular?" Sirius shot a cold glare over at him. Sirius noticed James' question had drawn Remus and Peter's attention.

"No." Sirius said quietly through gritted teeth.

"Are you sure?" Sirius turned to James. He knew James had to know, there was no other reason for him to be prying if he didn't know.

"I don't feel well, I'm going to bed." Sirius said getting off the couch and running up the stairs to the dormitory. James waited for a moment then followed his friend. He found Sirius in his bed with the covers over his head.

"Padfoot?" He heard Sirius grunt. He sat on the edge of Sirius' bed. "Why don't you just talk to Remus? I'm sure he would understand." Just then the dorm room door opened again and Remus and Peter walked in. James smiled at them and Sirius stayed under his covers. "Just do it." James hissed as he walked back to his bed. The lights went out in the dorm and everyone got in bed. Sirius fell asleep.

_Remus sat under the tree staring up at Sirius. Sirius leaned down and pressed his lips to Remus'. Remus ran his fingers through Sirius' thick black hair, constantly pulling Sirius closer and closer. Sirius ran his hands up and down Remus' middle. Sirius felt Remus moving slowly beneath him. Sirius pulled Remus' shirt off and began placing kisses to the brunette's neck while continuing to work on his pants. Remus massaged Sirius' back under his shirt. Remus pulled off Sirius' shirt and ran his hands down to the dark-haired boy's bottom. Sirius groaned deeply in Remus' ear. Remus pressed his hands into Sirius' butt again and yet another deep groan came._

_Finally Sirius got the pants button undone and pulled Remus' pants down and off. He got on top of Remus again and felt the other boy's movements slowly in his groin. Remus let out soft moans as Sirius pressed his body against his own. Sirius released his own set of groans. "Sirius. Sirius."_

"Padfoot!" Sirius woke up to find James staring down at him. "Your moans were getting louder. I didn't think you wanted anyone to hear them." Sirius blushed a vivid red. "Talk to him." James whispered before walking back over to his own bed.

Sirius heard James snoring softly a few minutes later. Sirius got out of his bed and walked over to the window in the dorm. It was pitch black; Sirius looked up to see the stars glistening in the nighttime sky. He looked down at the boy in the bed next to the window. Remus was sleeping peacefully; he looked so beautiful and serene. Sirius stared at the brunette for a moment longer then pulled up the covers and got in Remus' bed with him. Remus turned over and soon they were face to face. Sirius wrapped an arm around the boy and pulled him closer. Sirius closed his eyes and found himself still passionately kissing Remus under the tree. He felt himself moving against the brunette slowly. Before he got to far he opened his eyes.

A pair of soft blue eyes fluttered open and looked up into the dark-eyed boy in his bed. Remus' eyes held no contempt for the intruder; instead they stared at him sweetly. Sirius tired to get out of Remus' bed so fast he fell onto the floor. Remus opened his mouth to say something but Sirius was already in his own bed. Remus got out of bed and walked across the room. "Sirius. Sirius." Sirius felt Remus shaking him, but Sirius stayed under his covers not wanting to look at the boy he'd just disturbed. Remus gave up and walked back to his bed.

The next morning Sirius woke up before anyone and dressed quickly. Remus woke up just as Sirius left the room. Remus dressed quickly and ran out of the room after Sirius. James woke up to find both Remus and Sirius' beds empty.

Remus lost Sirius in the hall. He quickly looked in the Great Hall and didn't find him there. He checked their first class, which honestly he didn't think Sirius would come to class early, considering Sirius didn't ever want to come to class period. He quickly looked across the yard of Hogwarts, but he knew if Sirius was out there, there was no way he was finding him. Suddenly he saw black hair that looked like Sirius in the distance. He was sitting in the garden. Remus took off towards the garden. However, when he got there it wasn't Sirius he'd found. It was Sirius' little brother, Regulus.

"Regulus, have you seen your brother this morning?" The dark-haired boy looked up quickly. He hadn't been expecting anyone this early. He saw Remus looking at him.

"Nope. Why?"

"He just ran out of the dorm this morning and I wanted to talk to him." Remus waved goodbye to Regulus and walked back into the castle. The only thing he could think of was to start checking bathrooms, but there were so many in the whole castle. He took a deep breath and went into the bathroom closest to the Great Hall. He heard someone moving quickly but when he looked down there was no feet. Remus knew someone was in here, he just hope that it was the someone he was looking for. Remus pulled out his wand and pointed it at the first door. It opened, but no one was there. He heard someone move a few stalls down. He moved down a few stalls, aimed his wand at the door and it blasted open to reveal Sirius sitting quietly staring at him. "You know this a really pathetic place to hide." Remus said in a laugh. Sirius just stared at him. In one quick movement Sirius went to leave the stall, but Remus caught him by the arm and forced him back in the stall. "Will you just talk to me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why should I?"

"Because I'd like to know why you were in my bed last night." Sirius blushed slightly. "Sirius, I'm not upset. I promise. I just want to know." Sirius went to say something but couldn't find the right words for it. Finally Remus saved him from saying anything by moving closer to him and pressing their lips together. "Is that why." Sirius shook his head quickly to agree. Remus smiled softly. "You shouldn't have run out. If you would just talk to me on occasion this would've been easier." Sirius nodded. "Come on." Remus grabbed Sirius by the hand and led him out of the bathroom.

Half way down the hall Remus let go of Sirius' hand and they walked into the Great Hall. James and Peter were already sitting across from each other, Sirius took a seat next to a suspicious looking James and Remus sat across from him. They ate in silence and occasionally James eyed the two boys.

When they had finished their breakfast all of them left the Great Hall without a word. They were walking down the stairs to the dungeons for Defense against the Dark Arts. While they were walking Remus stretched out his hand and grabbed Sirius'. Sirius jumped from the new touch. He looked down to find the soft blue eyes looking up at him smiling. Sirius' heart skipped. Remus actually wanted to hold his hand in the hallways.

Over the next few days Remus had admitted to having wanted to date Sirius for years now, but never found the courage to even ask. James smirked every time they were in the common room and Sirius and Remus were sitting closely together, with Remus reading something and Sirius with his arms around him watching. People quit staring as much and just thought it common now.

One day they were outside of the Potions classroom and Sirius had his arms around Remus in a very protective manner. He had one arm wrapped around Remus' waist and the other around his chest. Remus stood perfectly calm with Sirius' arms around him. He looked at everyone around them sweetly. Sirius was talking with James about something and Peter was watching James affectionately. A few people were looking from James to the pair of Sirius and Remus curiously. A little confused in how they were all friends.

Sirius noticed them looking over at them and leaned down and kissed Remus' cheek softly. Remus came out of his trance and looked over at him. He saw Sirius smiling at him deviously. It made Remus nervous for a second. Then he saw that people were watching, and Sirius leaned down again and placed a kiss to Remus' lips. Remus released a soft moan and turned and wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist and placed his head on Sirius' chest. Sirius tightened his grip around the younger boy and smiled at everyone, because now everyone was watching since Sirius brought so much attention to him and Remus.

"And you say I like to show off?" James said smiling. Sirius gave him a sparkling smile of amusement.

"We're even."

Just then the teacher walked by. "Sirius. Remus. Separate." Sirius' smile faded and he released Remus, who walked into the class first. They took their seats and class began.

Sirius sat up in his cell. He looked around and saw that he was still in Azkaban and nothing had changed. He was sweating badly and couldn't think properly. He hadn't reminisced about how he and Remus first started dating in a very long time. He couldn't think of why all of a sudden it was coming back to him. He stood up and looked out the window, which had bars on them, encasing him in the prison. He longed to be out in the world again, he longed to have his best friend back, to have his boyfriend back. Now his best friend was dead and his boyfriend had probably moved on to someone else. He sunk back onto the floor and stared hatefully at the wall, knowing it was Peter's fault he was here.

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AN: So I hope you all liked it. Again I am going to do my best not to post things that I think are going to be more than one when I can't make them that way.


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